


Two Idiots talk about Shit

by birdsareblooming



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsareblooming/pseuds/birdsareblooming
Relationships: Lancer & Susie (Deltarune)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Two Idiots talk about Shit

“Dang.” Lancer blew the leaf that lay over his nose, and is slowly gilded back down onto his face. “They sure are taking awhile.”

“Probably stopping by stoplights,” Susie scoffed, grabbing the leaf off Lancer’s face. “Idiots.”

“What’s a stop light?”

“Uhmmm…” Susie twirled the leaf by it’s stem using the tips of her fingers. “Well...It’s a light that tells you to stop. Law says you have to stop but, i’ve never.”

“Why? Why would you need to stop?”

“Uuuuh. I dunno, cars and stuff, avoiding crashes.” Susie crumpled up the leaf, and stuck it in her mouth. “Damn, you know a place to get a bite to eat.”

Lancer rolled over, covering Susie’s mouth with his hand, or trying to, her mouth was very large and Lancer’s hand was very small. “Don’t say that word! My Dad will make me shower again.”

“You shower?”

“Physical health is the first step to mental health!”

“Right, speaking of where’s the food at?” Susie sat up, followed by her round friend, she clutched her stomach. “Da...Dang I’m still hungry.”

“There’s some venders further into the forest.” Lancer said, pointing. “But I was thinking of going there later, after I dunno more stuff.”

“Well it doesn’t look like they’re coming anytime soon.” Susie stood all the way up, stretching her arms. Lancer stood up as well, and tried to figure out how to stretch his arms in the same way, but got his arms tangled up. “Lead the way.”

“Uhm…” Lancer looked at the way he pointed. “...right.” 

“You’re looking left.”

“No I meant! The other way.”

“Yeah Right.”

“No the other...meaning.”

“Oh! Right.” Susie nodded. 

“Left.”

“Yeah.” Susie patted Lancer on his head, and began walking forwards. 

Out in the clearing, three stands sat comfortably atop the red grass.

“The hell is that?” Susie pointed to the blank doorway randomly in the clearing. 

“I dunno, they never finished it.”

“Whatever, what food do they have.” 

Lancer comically put his hand on his chin. “Hmm...Choco Diamonds, donuts? Yeah...and that looks like ice cream.” Lancer squinted at the final booth, making the puzzle running it sweat. “They don’t have straws though…”   
“You don’t need straws for ice cream??? Just swallow it whole dude.”

“I never tried that…” Lancer opened his mouth, and tried to stick his fist into his mouth. “I don’t think it’s gonna fit.

Susie laughed. “Takes practice, just like, open up real wide, like a visit to the dentist but better.”

“You say so many weird things.” Lancer giggled. “Anyway let’s get some! You have money?”

Susie opened her pockets. “Shit. Sorry, Kris kept all the money.”

“The blue kid? Wow low blow.”

“Shouldn’t you have money? Aren’t you a prince or something?”

“I don’t have an allowance.” Lancer stuck his tongue out, looking innocently at Susie.

“Mood. Alright then.” Susie walked up to the ice cream stand, and slammed her hands on the counter. “Arright jigsaw we don’t have money, do you have any coupons.”

The puzzle sweat. “Uhm…...uh…...no?”

“Damn. This kid’s royalty does he get a discount? For like? Doing a service to the country or whatever.”

“No but frankly his dad scares me, so….yeah…..”

Lancer nodded. “My dad scares me too, it's ok.”

“Hell yeah!” Susie clapped. “Not...to your dad scaring you that’s not ok but hell yeah to free ice cream!”

“Well...he would but you don-”

Susie smiled grimly at the vender, showing off her long, yellow teeth. 

“-You also get a discount.”

Susie swallowed the next scoop. “So...you weren’t allowed a motorcycle…”

“So I set my bike on fire!” Lancer patted his bike lovingly, and licked the cone again. “Motorcycles are expensive, fire is free!” 

“I guess that’s fair, and cowardly, you should use gasoline, really gets the fire going.” Susie grabbed and threw another scoop of icecream down her gullet. 

“I don’t want the fire too big! I might hurt my bike.”

“Your loss dude.” Susie looked at the vendor “Hey got any more ice cream?”

“S-Sorry Ma’am.” They kicked the dust on the floor. “You ate my whole stock…” 

“Oh shit…” Susie said. “Uh...sorry dude.”

“No it’s alright i’ll just...get some more in two weeks.”

Susie picked at her teeth nervously. “You know what? Here.” Susie passed 40 dollars over to the vendor. “Sorry I held out on you I...actually had some money.”

“You said the blue dude kept all the money?” Lancer said.   
“Well, I made some money myself.” The vendor smiled and nervously waddled away, leaving his booth empty. “Well shit. I was gonna save those for a donut, now I’m broke.”

“Maybe we could steal some? That seems mean though.”

“Yeah we’re evil but like…” Susie tightened her mouth. “More of a ‘stick it to the man’ type... i guess.”

“Maybe we can sell something?” Lancer tapped his feet. “I have some cookies we could sell.” 

“You do?” Susie laughed. “Like? Where?”

“Somewhere around here...I must have hid them…” Lancer looked around, then ran to a nearby stump, reaching inside. “Ah beans. There’s only one.”

“That’s fine, we can sell it for 40 and make our money back.”

“Great idea! As usual.”

Susie blushed and laughed nervously. “Uhm...thanks. Anyway I say we set up the stand.”

“Right!”


End file.
